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From unforeseen bouts of insomnia to constant restless legs and snoring, there are plenty of reasons why our partners might accidentally keep us awake at night and disrupt our sleep, even when we know they don’t mean to. If this sounds like you, then the increasingly popular trend of partaking in a sleep divorce might just save your sleep.
Sadly, nighttime disturbances are just something that comes with sharing your bed with the person you love. But if you’re finding that both of you are consistently getting poor quality sleep as a result of all these nighttime disturbances, then it could be that you’re having an unforeseen impact on the quality of your relationship with each other – and it might be why more and more couples are turning to sleeping in separate beds!
However, far from being a bad thing, many studies are starting to show that this ‘sleep divorce’ may actually come with plenty of sleep and relationship benefits for you and your other half, including improved sleep quality and increased levels of intimacy (the latter of which is probably the exact opposite of what you might expect!)
But what is sleep divorce, and is sleep divorce as healthy as many people claim? Take a look at our guide below to find out all you need to know about this rising sleeping practice to see if it’s something you and your partner might want to try!
What is sleep divorce and how does it work?
As the name implies (though somewhat dramatically, we’ll give you that), sleep divorce is where you and your partner agree to sleep in either separate beds, or if you have the space, separate rooms of your home.
The idea behind this is that you and your partner are actively giving each other the space you both need to get the best night’s sleep possible, free from potential sleep interruptions that plague many a good relationship.
However, it’s important to note that this separation of sleeping is not a bad thing by any means – it is instead a conscious choice made by the both of you in order to facilitate the needs of either person for a more fulfilling relationship.
Why might you want to try a sleep divorce?
When it comes to sleep divorce, there are many reasons why you and your partner might be looking to take it for a test run – be it out of curiosity or a genuine need to increase the quality and quantity of sleep you’re getting.
As we’ve already mentioned, common sleep disruptions, such as snoring or sleep apnoea, tend to be the main reasons, but it could also be that you and your partner have very different circadian rhythms which means you get tired and wake up at different times.
And in some cases, sleep divorce has become essential for couples who work jobs with different hours and need to sleep around shifts. Those with partners working in the emergency services, for example, may prefer to sleep separately to their partner so that they’re not disturbed when they return after a night shift.
What are the different sleep divorce benefits?
So far, we’ve already hinted at several sleep divorce benefits that come with testing out this sleeping practice, but better sleep alone is not the only perk you might get from sleeping solo from your partner as you’ll see below:
- A stronger relationship – even if you’ve been with your partner for years, there are always going to be times when the two of you argue and butt heads. However, sleep divorce studies have revealed that many couples report improvements in their relationship after a sleep divorce, both from getting better sleep and giving each other the opportunity for a little bit of personal space when they need it.
- Improved sex life – alongside the strengthening of their relationship, many couples also state sleeping apart improved their sex life, with sex becoming more exciting and intimate from the additional effort needed to initiate it, rather than simply being expected by virtue of being in the same bed all the time.
- Increased safety – as strange as it might be to hear, many people who have partners who experience sleepwalking and night terrors say that sleeping away from them actually increased their safety in the event that their partner accidentally kicked or moved aggressively because of what was happening in their dreams.
- Better sleep – lastly, and of course, most obviously, plenty of couples who practice sleep divorce say the quality, amount, and their general overall wellbeing from sleep has improved substantially since sleeping separately from their partner, largely due to fewer interruptions and a more personalised sleeping space.
Are there any downsides to sleep divorce?
Although there are clearly many sleep divorce benefits that you can take advantage of to improve your sleep, that’s not to say sleep divorce doesn’t come with any downsides, with the main associated disadvantages being the following:
- A reduction in intimacy – while many couples have reported that a sleep divorce improves their sleep quality, many also state that sleeping separately from their other half reduced their intimacy levels. Simply put, there were fewer opportunities to cuddle and snuggle with their partner, and some found the separation actually negatively impacted their sex life.
- Heightened anxiety – a sense of security is a huge thing that comes with sharing a bed with another person. However, after trying sleep divorce, many couples say they’ve experienced increased levels of anxiety due to sleeping alone, especially if they’ve been sharing a bed for years and are used to having particular sides of the bed.
- Worse sleep – in sharp contrast to the claims of many sleep divorce proponents, plenty of couples actually note that their sleep got worse after sleeping separately from their partner, though reasons as to why seem to vary from couple to couple.
- It can be expensive – at the end of the day, if you’re going to sleep separately from your partner, then you’re going to need to invest in separate beds. Naturally, this means purchasing a new frame, mattress, and possibly even bedding, not to mention additional furniture if you place to sleep in separate rooms, all of which adds up.
Is sleep divorce healthy?
With all the pros and cons of sleep divorce laid out, you may be wondering whether or not sleep divorce is actually healthy, and the honest answer is that it depends on you and your partner.
In general, sleep divorce is not directly unhealthy for our bodies, and every single one of us will sleep alone for a good portion of our lives. However, it is clear that sleep divorce can have an impact on your relationship health, reducing intimacy and potentially leading to worse sleep in general.
However, it’s also clear that sleep divorce does work for some couples, especially those who work different hours or live with disruptive sleep disorders, and there’s really no harm in trying it for a brief period if you’re curious.
But what you should not do is try sleep divorce because you’re mad at your partner or experiencing relationship difficulties. Sleep divorce needs to be agreed upon by both of you and should be approached with understanding and care to ensure that neither party feels put out by the decision.
What are some alternatives to sleep divorce?
If sleep divorce sounds like a lot for you to try right now, or you simply don’t feel ready to take the step of sleeping separately from your partner, then you’ll be pleased to hear that there are several sleep divorce alternatives you can try right now to see if they make a difference:
- Align your sleep schedules – assuming both you and your partner work during the same hours of the day, one of the best things to try is aligning your sleep schedules to match so that you go to bed and wake up at the same times. Thankfully, this sort of thing is not hard to do, though it may take a week or so to settle. Just remember that you should find a time that works for both of you to make the adjustment period easier.
- Improve your sleep hygiene – besides going to bed at the same time, ensuring that your bedroom is dark, cool, and quiet will do wonders for improving the quality of your sleep, even if your partner wakes you. You could even try using an eye mask and ear plugs as well if you want to block out as much noise and light as possible and minimise the chances of being woken up.
- Check for sleep disorders – if you or your partner are prone to snoring or insomnia, then there’s no harm in getting checked for sleep disorders. If it turns out that you or your partner do suffer from one, then you can take the necessary steps recommended to minimise its impact on your sleep quality.
- Try separate bedding – although it’s traditional for those sleeping in the same bed to have a shared duvet, many European countries actually favour separate duvets between partners, allowing both to have all the covers they want rather than having to fight over them.
- Buy a bigger bed – at the end of the day, if you can afford it, and have the space needed to fit one, buying a bigger bed is a great way to improve your sleep by giving you and your partner more room to spread out and minimise potential disruptions.
Relationship sleep advice with MattressNextDay
As you can see, sleep divorce certainly has its benefits, but it’s also not the kind of sleep practice that works for everyone. There’s definitely no harm in trying it out, and you may find that it works for you – and if not, then you can always start sharing the same bed again!
Just remember that sleep divorce is a two-way street, and both you and your partner need to be in agreement to try it beforehand. If not, then it may be better to try one of the alternatives we’ve suggested above.
For more relationship sleep advice, take a look at our guides to what your couple's sleeping position says about you, or if you've decided against a sleep divorce, you can consider one of our best mattresses for couples or even our best mattresses for sex to improve your shared bed.
